Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
