I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
