I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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