I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We left the knife in your bed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
