I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
