life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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