apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
