I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize