Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize