He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize