Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i need some magic done to my vagina
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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