She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
