If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I forget how to act sober
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
