so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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