Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize