I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
