Pappa wants mamma naked
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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