we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
