you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Im part way to drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
