Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
