The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
