Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will never coherently bang her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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