you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
