Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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