bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
