where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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