She said her name was "party"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
