turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
