I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you will always have a special place in my vag
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
