Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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