Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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