i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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