Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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