Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
