So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
