Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
