I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
