i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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