i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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