I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
