I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
