Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
