I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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