Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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