There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
love makes seman taste better
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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