why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
