YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize