He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
