Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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