So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
