Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
