i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
