I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm really busy with my period
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