I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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