Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
