I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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