Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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