; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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