My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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