God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never underestimate the power of titties
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