we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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