Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
