Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
