I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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