I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no, he came in my armpit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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