you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
