it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize