There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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